servanthood in the local church. She loves her family, friends, the beach, hiking and movies. Her passions include international missions, event coordinating and her relationship with Jesus.
Have you ever just wanted to scream the “S” word? I am sure, like me, you thought it would make you feel better to let it out? I’ve been there and let me tell you, it’s worth it! Go ahead, say it, yell it at the top of your lungs. S-I-N-G-L-E!!! There, feel better?
Sometimes it can feel like a cuss word. Maybe it has been used to dismiss you as a potential candidate for a coveted position. Does it cause sudden pain when it is used to describe you? It is no surprise that a simple word can stir such emotion. The Bible says, life and death are in the tongue (Prov 18:21). But the question is, should the word “single” bring with it the desire to die? Okay, maybe not die but we all have the one girlfriend who says she’d “rather be dead than live a moment without a boyfriend.” She’s the one who always seems to have another boyfriend within milliseconds of a break-up? And I would venture to guess you can all relate to feeling like you would just “die” if you had to sit home all alone one more night with no hope of a potential hunk in sight. We girls can tend to be over dramatic sometimes. Yet, where do all these feelings come from that result in negative thinking, words and eventually actions?
“Actions, you say?” Yes, actions. I remember the time I sat on the stoop of an inevitable ex-boyfriends doorstep crying and knocking on his door. Oh, I knew he was in his apartment that he’d given me a key to but he had set the keyless deadbolt, locking me out. “Dead”bolt, ironic given that our relationship had found itself on its deathbed. Actions. What brings us to this pitiful place of insecurity, lack of self worth and ugliness? I mean really, who’s going to come running to the door to answer that knock? You’re right, men do have innate desire to rescue. But few possess the willingness to run into a burning house knowing the person inside refuses to escape the flames. Guys know the difference between a woman who is looking for a man who’s life she can compliment verses a girl who is trying to find fulfillment through “him”. Men run away from being dragged into the inferno of co-dependance and unattainable expectations. How do we feel when someone sets standards for us to live up to that are tied to their happiness? Then they come knocking on our door when we have “let them down”. It may even be that we didn’t know they had given us the power over their life to determine their happiness. Just reading it gives me the feeling of suffocation. It is quite a responsibility to have to bare. And frequently in the end we get burned.
How did I become a happy, fulfilled single woman, a far cry from the doorstep of despair? Through a relationship with Christ and studying the Word, I realized we are all responsible for our own happiness! I learned of my worth as a child of the Most High King and my value in Him as an individual. I discovered I had been living as a orphan having relinquished my rights as an heir. Yes, we all have to power to turn the reigns over to some unsuspecting man. What we must know though is that it is a lie to think it makes us “trusting”, “committed” or “in love”. All it really makes us is a puppet.
We are in control! God gave us the ability to choose. We choose our happiness. If we allow a male to determine our state of happiness we give him the “strings” to our life. And with one little tug of the string he can alter our happiness leaving us dancing through life: up and down, up and down. He, God, did not intend for us to live as a mariniate; lifeless on the inside, controlled by the outside world. We are created to be conquerors (Rom 8:37). To conquer means to “to gain, win, or obtain by effort”. It takes effort to choose happiness.
We can choose to be women who love the single life all while living expectant for the days of marriage. Even when living in the middle of your biggest dream-come-true there will be opportunity for loneliness, hurt and unhappiness. If you can’t learn to be happy where we are, you will never be happy where we are going. Even if we don’t feel like it we can choose to act happy in our circumstance. Our feelings will eventually catch up to what we choose. Choose happiness and find fulfillment, now and for always.
Rise up, Conquerors!